Variant Covers: How NOT To Invest In Comics

This week was the Season Finale of AGENTS OF SHIELD! To go along with the 2hr episode, Marvel dropped this rare 1:1000 variant to Civil War II #0. Thinking of investing in this rare piece of Marvel history?
 
PETE'S RANT in 3...2...1...
 
Ok. This book has the distinction of being among the very few comics released with an extremely rare variant. In this case, a 1:1000 Agents of SHIELD variant by artist Greg Land, done in homage to the classic cover of Amazing Spider-Man 121. It features the familiar headline, "WHO WILL DIE?" (In Spider-Man, it was of course Gwen Stacy.)
 
This is reference to the current storyline taking place on ABC's Agents of SHIELD wherein the audience is still left pondering the mystery over which agent won't make it to season's end. 
 
This book bears with it the hefty price tag of $1,500! Even if you bought it at Midtown Comics with the $20 discount after every $100 you spend, you're still looking at a wallet-breaking $1,250, if my math is correct. 
 
Simply put, if you buy this book, you're an idiot. There. I said it. And I have no remorse for having said it and I will not take it back. You're an idiot, and you have no concept of comic collecting.
 
It doesn't matter if you're rich or not, and $1,500 is a drop in the proverbial bucket for you. You could still put that money to better use. And no I don't mean rent money, a car payment, your kid's college fund (or let's be honest, in this day and age that's a damn textbook!)
 
No, I'm not talking about rational, sociological uses for that money. I'm speaking to you as a collector, from a collector. That is $1,500 you could put toward anything else. 
 
C'mon. You're smarter than that. I know it, because you're still reading this. Listen up. Here's a lesson in economics for you:
 
Just because something is rare does not make it valuable. Yes, the book is $1,500 USD. That's what you're paying for it, so to you, that's what it's worth. But all it takes is a quick glance at eBay to realize no one else is paying that for it. There are what I affectionately refer to as "stagnant auctions" for this book on eBay right now there are "Buy-it-Nows" ranging from 13-15 hundred dollars offering this book to you, the consumer, that everyone assumes is fucking braindead.
 
Please don't be that asshole. 
 
You could out that $1,500 toward a key Silver Age first appearance. Fold it up, put it in your dresser drawer in a little envelope marked "Comics Fund" -- Congratulations. You are now $1,500 closer to that low to mid-grade copy of Amazing Spider-Man 1 or Tales of Suspense 39 that you've always wanted!
 
Or, you now have the exact amount of money you need to go out to a con, or hit up one of the many auction sites out there, you can purchase a real nice looking mid-grade copy of Fantastic Four #52.
 
You should invest in that first appereance of Black Panther, because you really appreciate the history behind the first black superhero, and who, let's be fuckin' honest, was one of the characters responsible for stealing the show in Civil War!
 
Or maybe you want to invest? $1,500 will get you a real nice copy of Amazing Spider-Man 2, because we know The Vulture will make his first on screen debut in next year's Spider-Man: Homecoming movie.
 
You want something a bit more modern but not too too modern? $1,500 will get you a mint condition 9.8 of New Mutants 98, the debut of everyone's favorite foul-mouthed red-clad do-gooder assassin! And you'll still have some money left over! (Cause really, a 9-8 should only be about $1,200 or so. Shop around, friend.)
 
How about a nice head-turning copy of Crime Suspenstories 22? You can probably grab a 4.0 or so with that kind of money. And yes, "head-turning" - pun completely intended.
 
So there you have it. I just gave you four different ways you could possibly to go out and have way more fun with that $1,500 you were almost gonna' spend on a fucking idiotic variant cover that I can practically guarantee will NEVER go up in value beyond what it already is stickered at. And as far as this comic collector is concerned, it ain't even worth that!
 
I just can't justify spending that kind of money on a new book. And neither should you.